Do you believe that a man and his children can be abused by a wife and mother? Many people, including the judicial system do not.
I do. I have witnessed first hand the ongoing abuse of a friend and his children for close to twenty years. Just this past year, he finally filed for divorce. Don't ask me why it has taken so long, believe me I have asked, and not just once, but for many times.
He is a good man, kind, hard working, devoted to his children, patient, very humorous, and a man that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, including his wife. In fact, in all my life I have rarely met a man that is so kind.
I have personally witnessed years of violence, alcoholism, severe verbal abuse, and neglect take its toll on this family. Now there has been allegations from the children that the mother was forcing the girls, ages 9 & 11 to shower with her, as well as a other incidents of potential sexual abuse. The mother for a very long time has been having relations with another couple, and is very open about her preferences. I guess things had been even worse than I had imagined, for a very long time.
After many years of trying to keep his family together, this man, who I will call Bob, finally realized that there was no hope. I asked him why he waited so long, his partial answer, was that he wanted to keep his children and he did not believe that he would get them. After what I have seen from the judicial system in CT, I now know he was right.
Since filing for divorce, things really heated up. The mom was caught on two seperate occasions, intoxicated with the children. Once, after not coming home at night, Bob was very worried about the kids. He called the police and she was eventually located in a hotel room, extremely intoxicated with the children. She was arrested and that was as far as it went.
The second time, she once again failed to come home and he called the police. While the police were standing in his driveway talking to Bob, she called him on her cell phone from down the street. It was apparent she was drunk. She told him where she was and he quickly sent the police down to a parking lot to wait for her to drive by. As the police tried to stop her in the car, she took off, driving over a curb, and raced the police to her home. She proceeded to try and resist arrest, while screaming obscenities and her little ones standing by watching. They put her in shackles and brought her to jail, where she stayed the night.
She was temporarily removed from the home, charged with Risk of Injury, which is a felony, and a protective order was put in place, but eventually she was let back in the home, the felony charge was dropped and the nightmare began again.
In past years there have been two other charges of neglect and abuse that have been substantiated, with the CT Dept. of Child and Family Services. But yet, no action was ever taken. The mother would sleep in the basement and drink until all hours of the morning. On many occasions drinking with her 17yos and his friends. The children would beg her to turn down the music and I cannot repeat here what she would tell them. Eventually, she threw the girls out of their room, put the dog in one bed and herself in the other and made them sleep on the couch.
If you by now are wondering why the husband had allowed it to go this far, he had been stopped in his tracks by the state of CT. and the attys. who had told him, he could not do anything or he would be arrested. So on my advice, he put a small tape recorder in the basement, in the ceiling, to record what was going on for the safety of his children. She found the tape recorder and had him arrested for evesdropping, which is a felony. We are hoping that the judge will have mercy, but it is not likely because the mother wrote to the District Atty. and told him, that Bob beats her and she is in fear of her life.
When Bob witnessed the mother trying to force the girls to shower with her, he immediately called the children's atty. and asked her what he should do. She told him to call DCF and file a complaint. When he did, he received a new case worker who accused him of not acting and blamed the entire situation on him. (The former caseworker filed reports that the mother should not have custody of these children.)He told her he only did what the attys. told him he could do. The worker then spoke with the children's atty. and they decided to force Bob out of the saftey of the bedroom, which he barracades at night for fear she will attack him, which has already happened. She was convicted, but never sentenced. The worker said she would "talk" to the mother about the showering with the girls. Yeah I know, what is wrong with these people?
I could go on and on. I would tell you that I was attacked by this woman twice. I forgave her and moved on and would take the girls to church because they needed hope and some stability. Bob is at his wits end. There are days where he feels so hopeless. He is not a Christian, but I know he is seeking. I would just ask anyone who is reading this, to please pray for Bob and his children. The next court date is March 2nd. He has offered her everything but custody and she won't take it. She wants the child support and alimony, which she can only get if she has custody.
It just makes you question what is wrong with people who would allow this to go on. These people need to be held accountable for their crimes against these children and a total failure to act.
2 Comments:
How sad, Hallie. I cannot believe it is a felony to tape record in your own home. After thinking this over, and seeing that the man did involve social services, I can't believe that the authorities didn't remove the kids from the home. I've heard of them removing kids for lesser offenses. The kids need protection.
By
Junosmom, at February 16, 2006 8:12 AM
Oh my gosh, that's... horrible! It makes me wonder if the blogosphere could do anything to pressure the judicial system to do its job... but then, as soon as you post the real names and the specifics of the case, you open yourself up to accusations of slander.
It's shameful, really.
By
jacob.thrasher, at March 10, 2006 12:15 PM
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